FAIZURA I. YUSOF

It's Been a While

2012-02-07T06:40:00.000-08:00

Guess what? After a long hiatus, I am back.

Well, perhaps not as often as before but sufficient enough to cover most of everything.

A lot has happened since May 2011. Good thing, bad things. Good things keep you sane and bad things make you stronger, at least. Work wise, I am still me. The old cursing machine me. Tried to go slow during the holy month of Ramadhan but guess I need more than preseverance. I need miracle (I think).

Life in general, fine. I am so grateful for everything and everyone in my life. Yes, I dont have everything under the sun but enough to bring a smile to this face every single day without fail. Allah, I know I'm not really a good muslim but I must have done something to deserve this rahmah of yours. Alhamdulillah.

Friendship wise, super fine. Now it's like a tradition to go on vacation on a monthly basis. Yes yes, dont you know we are a bunch of the heirs and the heiresses (flip hair)? On a serious note, I am blessed with great companions. Who are there with their shoulders for me to lean on, ears to listen and big bedonkey hugs as and when I need them. My ol' man used to tell this: "our future doesnt rely entirely on luck and hard work. Suppose it also on a tiny fragment based on who your friends are. As great companions lead you through success and the opposite drag you to hell".------> hear hear!
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Personal Life. Darn good. Got engaged last November to the man I love, counting months to the big day, slimming down (looking like a pregnant cow on my own wedding day is the last thing I want to happen). It still feels surreal though. Cz that is the same guy I met years back in the library. The same guy who was doing research on Professional Practice alone in his red sweater. The guy who offered me his friendship. A long lasting one. I would do it all over again. I will not miss a thing. Not even one.

Hairi. Tunang. Saya

credit gmbr
kawan hairi yg amek gmbr ni (i dont know his name sorry) and of course hairi yg edit gmbr ni

My Feelings are completely Mine

2011-05-29T09:38:00.001-07:00

I usually dont share my feelings. I rather keep them to myself.

I only know how to be happy, angry, compassionate and sad. I have no idea how it feels like to be jealous, saiko, demanding, controlling and what not.

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I am that blur I guess.
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A friend once said that when God created me, he must have forgotten to give me a heart just because I fail to feel certain ways about certain things.

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Our brain is complicated already, why drown it with stupid emotions?

Blog dh Bersawang but waddehek!

2011-05-29T09:17:00.000-07:00

Last time I updated this blog was somewhere 2-3 months ago. Geez, my work is a cancer to my brain. Like really..

So, nothing much to yap about. I must say that I'm leading quite a boring life. But of course, this is the only place where my thoughts are fully delivered and I dont really have to worry about the consequences as I just simply dont care.

I have this awesome relationship with my old man, where I can talk almost about everything and not having to feel shy about anything. He is a guy that I adore, I grew up to be nothing but him. That is how much I have given my respect to a person called dad.

He is a nice chap, I remember how my late granny used to tell us stories about him, about how he was growing up and how he treated her and her late husband. He is a good lad.

The only thing that can ruin our good bond is the fact that how much I despise some people who came from the same blood and flesh as him. Boy, it is just amazing how people can be so awesomely retarded.

I dont mind if they hate me because of this post. I dont care if they refuse to talk to me anymore because of this post. I simply dont give a damn.

But I do mind when you people disturb him. I do care when you people take advantage over his soul. I simply will scream my brain out just to slap some sense into your faces.

I just cant remember when was the last time I felt sincere talking to you guys. Now it seems like pig.

Besar Kepala

2011-04-01T08:31:00.000-07:00

~ The Big Butt Head~

Thank You

2011-03-28T06:56:00.000-07:00

I may not a good person but I am indeed better with you

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Thank you for having me, for giving me a chance to allow myself to feel this way

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Thank you for being around, for this whole one year, for keeping up with my "insanity"

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Thank you for accepting me for who I am

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Thank you

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For the whole one year as my other half

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But most importantly

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Thank you

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For being my lifetime bestfriend

...

fun fun fun~

looking forward for the weekend~

Congratz Babies

2011-03-15T17:58:00.000-07:00

Ayu plus Mahesh equal to these:

credit to Zul Zaini [adik pekja]

- congratulation to both of you -

Pray for the Tsunami's Victims ya'll!

2011-03-13T06:57:00.000-07:00

Dont ignore the title though it has nothing to do with the content of the post.

I have respect for women. They come in different shape and size, different colour and kind. Well, guess cz I am one of them.

Dont discriminate us just because we werent born beautiful.

Dont push us aside just because we are not attractive.

Dont hate us just because we are fat.

We dont appreciate your mockery nor that we need your sympathy. Just treat us as humanly as possible because we do have feelings.

- Happy International Women's Day -

Guess being STUPID is your forte

2011-03-13T06:30:00.000-07:00

Dont ignore the title.
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Admit it, that stupid and moronic people are freaking everywhere. Not only that they are hazardous to humanity but literally speaking, they are a complete pollution!
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Babak 1:
...............
The world is praying for Japan for the 8.9 magnitude earthquake. At least 80,000 casualties and thousands have lost their homes and loved ones in Japan's worst earthquake in 300 years.
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Si Bijak:
Bersimpati dan berdoa agar mangsa yang hilang selamat. Dan pada mereka yang ahli keluarganya terbunuh, semoga bersabar.
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Si Bangang:
(1) Fizz Fairuz - "manalah ultraman n power ranger n doraemon dlm saat2 genting tsunami di
jepun"

(2) Kartunis Berita Harian - *thanks for making Malaysia popular. MotherF!
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Babak 2:
................
C'mon, if I were to tell you again that you are a bloody adult with a bloody brain, would you consider being at least bloody smart even for a while?
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Guess not.
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You want people to understand. You want public to feel your pain and your so called sorrow. Here's the deal brah, first thing first, I think what you really need is a huge double cheese bitch slap as the main course and a french bitch fit as the side dish. For dessert, hmm maybe some tutti brain shake?
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Yes, she is the mother of your kids but fuck yes she is still a whore. If you still dont get it I am indeed sorry for you.

It is ok to be just YOU

2011-03-07T08:04:00.000-08:00

I was talking to a friend the other day..about his life, his job and most importantly, his love. I like his story, on how much he has changed to be a better person. But, he did mention one thing, "what if things didnt work out between me and her? I have changed so much."

For me it's simple

Perubahan kepada kebaikan adalah satu hijrah. Kalau kamu berubah untuk menggembirakan pasangan kamu, itu adalah kasih. Tetapi, jika kamu berubah demi untuk diri kamu dan juga orang2 lain yang mengharapkan perubahan dari kamu, itu namanya ibadah.

Perubahan ke jalan Ilahi itu lebih diredhai. Berterima kasih buat pasangan kamu kerana Tuhan itu menghantar dia sebagai pemula.

*and yes people, that is my Malay. I didnt copy paste it from any website.*

Point not taken

2011-02-16T06:28:00.000-08:00

Yeah I have issues with annoying bunch, but dont we all?

I got a phone call this morning, on my way to the gym *btw, I was on leave*. Apparently, the receptionist didnt know that I wasnt in the office. To cut the story short, some clients showed up a lil bit early than the actual time. So, it's for me not really an issue. Just ask them to wait in the meeting room, serve them with hot drinks and that is it basically.

Instead to using the God given brain, she called me and started panicking *kan-cheong*. Asked me to go all the way to the office to meet the clients. Ok:

1. I didnt arrange any appointment to meet anyone as clearly, I'm on leave.

2. They are not my clients.

3. They have informed the receptionist that they were looking for SOMEONE ELSE in the office.

3. I am not a Prime Minister. I dont think for anyone. Even the Prime Minister has his own crew to think for him.

*inhale~~~ exhale~~~*

Moral of the story is, dont get drunk too much. It screws your brain fast.

It's not hard to have him as a father, just need to know how to react to his sense of Poyoness

2011-02-15T21:28:00.000-08:00

Dont ignore the title.

So, we were in the car me and Haji Ismail. Listening to "Cinta Kristal" by Rahim Maarof.

Mangsa: "Dia ni time muda mesti hensem kan yah?"

Haji Ismail: "Aa'ah...ayah hensem lagi la" ------> *muke stone*

Mangsa: *muntah! muntah! muntah!*

Bila hormon bangang memuncak

2011-02-14T08:48:00.000-08:00

Just need to shut myself off

Like really

I looked at myself and wondered, "How come???"

February

2011-02-01T03:38:00.000-08:00

Ignore the title
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Hmm...I dont really have things to say, but I do feel like typing anyway. Remember when we were 15? All we had to do was studying and score good grades.
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No, seriously I dont have anything to say.
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Lot of people will hate me because of this. But I will only gonna do it if there is nothing much left in me to consider.

......................

2011-01-31T06:57:00.000-08:00

Ignore the title (cant come out with a good one actually)
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After Saturday, I have nothing left besides a complete emptiness. I am happy, like really but I realize that maybe just maybe.....it shouldn't have happened at the first place. All of it.
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And I blame myself for everything
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It is a matter of wait and see

After a long hiatus, It happens Again

2011-01-31T06:51:00.000-08:00

I have said it earlier
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And I am saying it again
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I dont want to do it because it is a right thing to do
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But because it is the right time to do it

***************************************************************

As much as I appreciate their thoughts and concerns
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My feelings should also be taken into account
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***fin***

Barter Trade

2011-01-21T22:33:00.000-08:00

credit to ubergizmo.com
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in return can I have this?
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credit to ten-0-six.blogspot.com

To my dear "you-know-who-you-are"

2011-01-21T22:24:00.001-08:00

Ini belalang a.k.a grasshopper
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Ini mentadak tau a.k.a praying mantis
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and last but not least
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This is lipas a.k.a roach
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tak sama kan?

Young is just a Word...is it?

2011-01-15T06:37:00.000-08:00

Ignore not the title

This coming February will be interesting as not only I'm gonna be celebrating my sisters' birthdays (dodot and kak kung), but I will be witnessing a solemnization of two souls, two minds, and two hearts..*sorry Nick but I think I cant meet you and Adele during the CNY*

I am talking bout my cousin, Faiz *yes we share the same name but he is a guy*..he's 23 this year and that dudu is getting married. *sigh*

Wait! Why am I sighing? Isnt it a good thing that someone close to me is getting hitched? I should be happy shouldnt I? *ok, so many questions at the same breath of time*

Fine...I am happy but at the same time I am concerned. He is young and that girl is more younger. Can they manage? Both are still studying and once he is done with his degree, he'll be leaving the wife in that cold land named RUSSIA cz she has few more years to spend there.

No no, I am not jealous cz he steps ahead of me but this is serious.

Oh well, his parents are ok so why bother right?

Mak ngah, saya mahu peti ais sebagai hadiah langkah bendul!!

Yes yes...my mouth is big

2011-01-15T06:20:00.000-08:00

Jangan ignore title itu
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So the other day I was talking to Haji Ismail and this idea came out from nowhere
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Anak Haji Ismail: "Give me 5 thousand"
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Haji Ismail himself: "Pesal?"
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Anak Haji Ismail: "Because you can and I'm your daughter"
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Haji Ismail himself: "Kau pegi depan cermin, cuba tengok mulut kau muat tk nk masuk kaki ayah"
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Amazing right?

Roma Irama

2011-01-14T05:39:00.000-08:00

Ignore the title

So, here I am again

Hai

I guess I'm ready for it

My first mental blocking for 2011

Bye

Oh Happy Day~

2011-01-02T07:32:00.000-08:00

"So, do I have your blessings?"

"Yes you do. He is amazing."

"For the first time I'm really in love. Thanks bro"

"I saw that in ur face. It's great"

Berbudilah kepada Tanah

2010-12-31T08:24:00.000-08:00

Ignore the title.

So we all bid farewell to 2010. Let's review my 2010 shall we?

January 2010:

Waiting patiently for March to come.

Discussion every Tuesday night at Sushi King Sooka for Iju-Jimie's wedding.

YM with Mary in the office everyday.

February 2010:

Waiting not so patiently for March to come.

Iju-Jimie's wedding was a total blast. Everyone had fun.

And for the first time in my life, I didnt fall wearing heels.

YM with Mary in the office...yes everyday.

March 2010:

March came!!! Me and Iju we said bye bye to Mohamed Ridza & Co. Damn it was a relief!

Ayah got super pissed off. Spent the whole night driving and talking to Hairi in tears.

27/3/2010 - my significant date.

April 2010:

Officially unemployed. Sending resumes like sending wedding cards.

Ibu's bibik at home.

May 2010:

Officially a solicitor in Cheang & Ariff. Can no longer YM with Mary.

Iju got in as well in Edlin Ghazaly on the same day.

June 2010:

Jakarta retreat.

2 years of studying officially ended in this month.

July 2010:

Amy's wedding.

The only one excluded for the Pangkor trip. Demm~

August 2010:

The first Ramadhan as someone's other half.

September 2010:

My birthday.

My first Syawal as someone's other half.

Trip to PD was awesome though it was only for a short period of time.

October 2010:

Listened to Maher Zain for the first time.

My LLM convocation took place.

The month that made me realized that I cant no longer be like this.

November 2010:

Trip to Langkawi was planned.

Got excited about it.

Figured that few people are just anal.

December 2010:

Trip to Langkawi cancelled. Demm~

Went to someone's house introduced to as someone's other half.

Googled Manggis Production.

Yawn~

Things Arent Always How We Want Them to Be

2010-12-30T07:38:00.000-08:00

"when you are getting married kang jgn lupa jemput aku eh"

Breaks my heart

That sentence

Each and every word

How I wish that things will be just how they used to

But I know we cant get everything in life

Things are different now I know. But it changes nothing. You and I, we are still friends.

And yes, you are invited to my wedding

Do come

Dios, ayúdame

2010-12-29T20:15:00.000-08:00

No ignorar el título.
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Me siento realmente como alguien dar una bofetada de buena perra. Como realmente.
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Es la persona más snob que he conocido. Aún más interesante, él es mi miembro de la familia!!!!
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Mierda~

I'm doing it because IT IS my work. I'm no Paris Hilton

2010-12-29T19:48:00.000-08:00

Dont ignore the title, it does mean something.

So, people know how kiatsu I am when it comes to my job. I am completely a different person the moment I step into the office. I dont go chit chatting whenever I feel bored, I dont find any pleasure of gossiping with any of my fellow mates. I just dont.

Yeah, so I guess I am that boring.

People always wonder, how come my job seems and sounds far more stressful compared to others? They are lawyers too..well, I dont want to comment on that cz for me, it is subjective. It depends on what sort of portfolio you are carrying with you.

Yeah, I am that boring.

"tak payah nk keje kuat2 sgt..nnt dh kawen tempat kt dapur jugak"

Sounds familiar aint it?

This is my public declaration:

You are a complete dimwit for having that thought in that sorry brain of yours. When we are urged to think outside the box, you find it more comfortable to stay inside your pitiful sty. Your brain fails to develop, your mentality remains stagnant.

"tak payah keje kuat2 sgt..nnt dh kawen suami kan ade nk support"

This is my public announcement:

If it is the God's will that your husband dies, then how? Mau makan apa? Batu bata masak sweet sour? Lalang goreng belacan? Kayu 3 rasa?

I dont work because I am forced to. I work because it is the right thing to do. I work because I am no Paris Hilton. I am no heiress. I dont get allowance every month just by spreading my legs and partying. I get paid because I work.

Aku ini Wanita Biasa

2010-12-29T19:40:00.000-08:00

Ignore the title.

Today is Thursday and I'm on leave.

Dont yeay first cz for the first time ever I dont feel excited at all. I'm supposed to be somewhere with a bunch of someones having a good something to be enjoyed. But *sigh*...better luck next time.

So yeah, I'm on leave today and tomorrow but haih *sigh*

BUT, I'll meeting my juniors today and I know my day will be better.

*still sighing*

merry Ho Ho Ho!

2010-12-25T05:23:00.001-08:00

Ignore the title.

This isn't about Christmas, or the holidays

I think I miss Ciku

Yup yup, I definately miss Ciku

Btw, Haizad is getting married tomorrow and I wont be there to congratulate him

It's been ages since the last time we met

I remember the time when he left us for New Zealand

It was a long wait

Then he came back for a while, for summer break

Then he left again

It was a long wait

The next thing we know, here he was finally coming back home. To us

But our joy didnt last long

He was transferred to Banting

It is a long time

And now he is getting hitched and I wont be around for it

Demmit!

And I still miss Ciku!

And I will Pray for you

2010-12-14T21:13:00.001-08:00

Nik Suhaimi

1974 - 2010

.I received news about your passing. I was shocked. Indeed shocked.

.I shall never forget your jokes.

.The way you talked.

.The way you laughed.

.I shall never forget.

.Nik Suhaimi bin Nik Hassan.

.May you rest in peace.

.Al-Fatihah.

Kenang Daku Dalam Doamu

2010-12-11T20:21:00.000-08:00

Friends, I dedicate this song for you.

All of you

*dont worry, I'm no Alviss Kong*

Again, Why Am I Still Awake?

2010-12-10T08:34:00.000-08:00

This is once and for all. Those who are reading, I hope you dont come back to me asking me this stupid question again.
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I mean, why is it so hard for some people to believe it?
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Just because I sound kinky most of the time with no apparent reason, it doesnt mean that I am that.
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*inhale*
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*exhale*
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Yes I'm still a virgin
Yes I dont drink
Yes I dont masturbate
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Sorry to dissappoint you but yeah.
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And stop asking me to go clubbing with you cz trust me, you will be embarassed.

It's Midnite But Why Am I Still Awake?

2010-12-10T08:28:00.000-08:00

Do you know how it feels like to use someone to get rid of the feelings that you have for another someone?

It sucks

Big time

I am sorry

And I'm Still Turned On

2010-12-08T06:18:00.000-08:00

Ignore the title.

So I talked to Ciku *bukan nama sebenar* on my way back to sungai buloh. About life, today and the future. I must say, talking to Ciku does enlighten me on certain aspects. How drastically people can change once they have found a purpose in life. How maturity is not only apparent from your conducts but from your thoughts as well.

I was taught differently by my old man. I was raised to understand people's needs, to not being bloody judgmental, to feel what is ought to be felt by your brain instead of your heart. I was raised to be normal.

Yes I dont know how it feels like to help your family by selling kuih from house to house, or to break your fasts under the street lamps far from your family, or to be a caddy just to pay for your school fees. I dont know anything about that.

But I understand.

Because my old man did all of the above without even complaining. He didnt see problems as obstacles but rather opportunities.

So, coming back to Ciku. Why I said Ciku enlightens me? Because Ciku reminds me of my old man. Ambitious.

When My Blogging mode is turned ON

2010-12-08T05:55:00.000-08:00

Ever since I changed the template and almost every single thing about my damn blog, I find my blogging mood kicks in everytime I have the chance to online.

I was reading the life of John Lennon when I realized that I sort of abandoned my passion for quality books for quite some times. Instead, I found solace in Ujang and Gila2 (and I know this one particular someone who hates it when I buy them). I started to count every single book that I have and sniffed the pages.

I remember how Haji Ismail used to bring home the Star everyday and asked me to read out loud the news. I was eight and reading the Star was a complete hell. He literally forced me to define each word by writing the meaning on top of the sentence. No, he didnt buy me classic storybooks like Cinderella or Beauty and the Beast or Sang Kancil and bla bla bla...he brought me only the Star.

The passion for reading developed fast. From the Star I moved to light reading materials. I opted for books while my sisters decided to go for magazines. Ujang and Gila2 were forbidden in my room. They were never in my "to-buy-list".

Things changed I guess. My current career doesnt really provide me with ample times to actually sit down and enjoy the pleasure of reading lines by lines and understanding paragraphs by paragraphs. I spend most of my weekends working and working and more working.

So tonight while re-arranging my stuff on the drawer, I came across the life of John Lennon. The book I bought somewhere 2 months back. It does put a smile on my face. Like really.

God, I love Working!

2010-12-08T02:43:00.000-08:00

Yessss....from the bottom of my heart~

I'm Getting Emo-er Each Entry

2010-12-07T07:48:00.000-08:00

If only I have the moral strength to tell it out loud to your face, God trust me I would.

I wonder most of the times, what on the mother-fu**er earth do you see in her? All the lies, all the back stabbing..come on!!

She is whoring her worthless anal self around, being completely twathead, ignoring her own flesh and blood...while you act both characters as mom and dad, running here and there trying to ensure that your kids have a place to sleep and food to eat while you busting your sorry ass working.

She does what?

FREAKIN' NOTHING!

And you, yes YOU..can still be so soft.

Funny

Really funny

Cz like I said earlier, maturity doesnt always come with age.

You can be a bloody 40 and still stupid.

Oh Happy Days~

2010-12-07T01:39:00.000-08:00

Here we Go

2010-12-07T01:14:00.000-08:00

*Taking a deep...an extremely deep breath*

Go!

I know people are just being concerned. Thanks really but at least try to understand my situation. It sounds simple, it sounds like it is the right thing to do at this point of time taking into consideration my age and the environment I'm living in. Yes yes, most of my friends have gone through it and the same goes to one of my cuzzies. Owh well, another one in January 2011.

It's not that I'm not being sensitive or cautious about the whole thing but like I said, try to be in my shoes for a second. The topic I'm talking about right now is no monkey business. It is not some sort of entertainment that people can just simply ask me to do. It is sacret, it is pure, it is about achieving a purpose in your life. You cant just simply throw yourself into it as if it is for amusement.

Like previously mentioned in my earlier entry, I have witnessed a fall. It is not about being afraid to commit or feeling so negatively about the entire idea. It is about finding the right time and the right moment. Now, for me it is no longer about finding the right someone. Someone to be called the oher half as I have already found him. Now, it is all about getting to know one another more, to understand each other's needs, sensitivities and all that..why? Cz you will be spending the rest of your life with him or her. Embarking on a different journey once you have put your soul into it. Like I said, it is no monkey business.

I want to be ready. Fully prepared. I dont want to merely step into this different world because I was asked to. I need to be ready. Dont get me wrong. Trust me, though I may look masculine/guy-ish/a bit gay from outside, I am actually very feminine/girlish/a bit kinky inside. To be with someone I love is all I can ask for. I just need time.

The end

Tsk tsk tsk

2010-12-06T23:22:00.000-08:00

It is just retarded to think that maturity doesnt really come with age.
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Funny cz though you were born as the eldest in the family, but the way your brain works seems like an infant.
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You define fun as talking smack about people.
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Wow, that sounds amusing..really!
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How old are you again?
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25?
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When?
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Owh, this year??
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Then how come you sound and act like a bloody 15?
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Ahhh, mental constrain is it?
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*tsk tsk tsk*

Susah

2010-11-29T08:35:00.000-08:00

Pegi gym skrg ni kene bajet time properly
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Nape?
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Salah time nnt bertembung ngn makcik2 dan kakak2 yg baru lepas aerobic session kt studio sebelah changing room
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Nape?
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Bilik air nk mandi bukannyer banyak mane pun
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Tkde tmpt nk tukar baju
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Lalu aku pun balik
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Tak jadi nk mandi sana
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Nape?
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Sbb aku pusing kanan nmpk tetek
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Aku toleh kiri nmpk tetek
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Kebelakang pun tetek
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Maigod
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Feels like I'm in the United Kingdom of Boobies

.......

2010-11-29T08:26:00.000-08:00

I see him..even when I close my eyes.

I hear him..even when I choose to be deaf for a while.

I sense him..even when I am all alone.

This is just me

Who knew

Geli all you want

This is just me

Just a Thought...Nothing Fancy

2010-11-01T08:59:00.000-07:00

People ask, how can I be so calm about life? *inclusive of working life*
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My answer:
Life is friggin' short! Enjoy!
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People ask, how can I be so cool about dramas?
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My answer:
So long you arent part of them, why bother?
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People ask, how can I be so positive about almost everything?
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My answer:
God gave you life to live, air to breath, so, what's with the face?
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People ask, how can I be so acceptive about myself?
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My answer:
There are reasons as to why God created you to be YOU and not someone else. If others cant look at me without being so speculative, if people cant talk to me without being so presumptuos and if masses cant see me without being so fuckin' judgmental....who am I to stop them?
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People ask, "arent you afraid it might cause you him?"
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My answer:
Jodoh tu kat tangan Tuhan.
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My name is Faizura Ismail and I dont live to be anyone's dog.

I Need an Appointment To Breath

2010-10-25T06:42:00.000-07:00

Work is crazy. Top 5 things that keep me going:

* Cita-cita Haji Ismail and Hajah Noriza nak lumba sesama sendiri guna tongkat bila dah tua bangka.
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* Berborak dgn si sepet
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* Berborak dgn muiz bila mengantuk time drive
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* Teringat situasi pondan2 petronas main gentel2 pusat sesama sendiri
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*Arsenal menang games.
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Getting back to work is a bitch!

Jiwa Keparat

2010-10-15T08:35:00.000-07:00

Otak dah tersangkut di lutut
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Demmit

Biskut Panda Buat Aku Kinky - Sequel

2010-10-10T02:29:00.001-07:00

Terus terang, gua tk pernah dengar pun name biskut ni. Ape ntah lagi makan. Si Sepet *bukan nama sebenar* sibuk canang2 jadah ni kate bile makan setim la, kinky la *motif kinky dgn makanan?*
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Semalam gua jd nepal keje time sabtu. Time orang2 semua chill2 kt umah, gua lak terkangkang2 attend signing kt Hartamas. Gua text Sepet suruh dia dtg teman. Ye, tkyah la nk mengharap sgt, dia tu direction illiterate.
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Sepet call. Tgh2 borak ngn dia gua nampak amoi ni usung kotak panda tu depan gua. Jenggg! Terus teringat yg si Sepet ni mengidam biskut panda *hamil barangkali*. Lalu konversasi ini berlaku.
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Gua: "eh, you nak biskut panda tak?"

Beliau: "ade ke jual kt situ?"

Gua: "Ade la kot, ni ade org tgh jinjing kotak tu?"

Beliau: "ermm..bole la. I tknk kotak kecik. I nak kotak besar. Belikan i 5"

Gua: "5!!??? I offer tu kira baikla. Satu cukup"

Beliau: "ok la. belikan satu je"
.
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Gua pun melilau la carik biskut tu. Masuk supermarket pusing2 tk jumpa pun. *abes stok ke?* Tetibe gua teringat yg td gua ade lalu depan japanese products nyer sale. Gua pun try la pg sane, tup2 kotak tu yg gua nmpk dulu. Aiseymen bai, banyak gile kotak biskut panda tu. Gua pun belek2 la sbb ade 3 kaler. Ade merah, pink ngn coklat. Tgh gua baca2 kandungan lemak, kalori dan gula kt kotak tu, ade lak sales person ni dtg bwk bakul. Siap offer gua sebijik. Ingat gua nk borong satu dozen agaknyer. Lalu perbualan ini pun berlaku.
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Apek: "you suka biskut ni? Ini sedap tau"

Gua: "tktau. Saya tk pernah makan pun"

Apek: "Owh, ini beli untuk adik ke?"

Gua: "Tkla, bukan untuk adik. Ni kalau beli 2 dpt RM25 kan?"

Apek: "ye, bole pilih nak kotak atau tin. You dh kawen ke? Beli untuk anak?"

Gua: "saya belum kawen. Ini untuk boyfriend saya"

Apek: *sengih manje*
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Gua bayar kt kaunter dimana cashier nyer pakai kimono. Lepas bayar gua call Sepet tp dia kekwat tk angkat. Tgh gua jalan nk pg balik tmpt signing, tetibe dia call. Lalu bicara ini ditutur.
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Gua: "helloooo"

Beliau: "ha, td you call eh?"

Gua: *monolog----> dh kalau ade miss call tu hape?* "ye, nak bgtau yg i dh beli biskut panda you"

Beliau: "berape hargenyer?"

Gua: "2 dpt RM25"

Beliau: "murahnyerrrrr....you tau tk kat luat tu harge dia bla bla bla bla" *dh tk ingat sbb dia ckp laju sgt*

Gua: "you nak i beli lagi ke?"

Beliau: "nak! nak! nak! nak! nak!"

Gua: *terus patah balik ke tmpt jepun tu dan gelak sepanjang perjalanan. Si sepet ni kalau kemaruk biskut panda mmg mcm budak tk bersunat lg*
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Gua smpi balik kt tmpt tu dgn si Sepet masih di dalam talian. Tangan kanan pegang phone and tangan kiri ade plastik bag berisi 2 kotak biskut panda yg dibeli sebelumnya. Dari jauh gua nampk apek si sales guy ni dah sengih2.
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Gua: "err, bagi lagi 2 tin"

Apek: *terus bagi tanpa berbicara apa2...dan beliau masih sengih*
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Selesai bayar gua masih on phone ngn si Sepet. Tangan kanan kiri penuh plastik bag.
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Gua: "mesti orang ingat anak i banyak smpi beli 4 tin biskut panda"

Beliau: "hahahahaha..sedap la biskut tu. 4 tin baru RM50. Murahnyer.."

Gua: "dh tkde2. cukup 4 tin je. I tknk pg balik tmpt tu buat kali ketiga. CUKUP!"
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Si apek tu agaknyer mesti ingat gua ni berpacaran dengan budak umur 8 tahun

Dodot

2010-10-02T09:59:00.000-07:00

Budak kecik ni belikan bunga.

dodot

Budak kecik ni belikan jugak walaupun ia bukan secantik mana

dodot

Budak kecik ni belikan untuk kak long dia

tak kira harga

tak kira rupa

Budak kecik ni hanya mahu kak long dia gembira

dodot

Bende2 Free Mmg Setim

2010-10-02T09:23:00.000-07:00

Baru balik berpoye2. *Nur Faizura Ismail, congratz*

Malas nk type but just wish to inform that september and early november are two wonderful months.

*reasons*

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My birthday = 4 sept

Since birthday, maka dpt barang2 free

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.

*ini Helmet..eh bukan, HAMLET..ini sepet saya bagi*

*ini adik saya si muiz bagi*

*ini pun dia bagi*

Early November cz of my convo. Tu je

Pun dpt free things jugak

*ini sepet bagi*

*ini budak echam and mumu yang kasik*

Meet Uncle Mail edisi II

2010-09-21T06:16:00.000-07:00

***Uncle Mail sedang suka hati sbb kawan2 ain cakap beliau hensem***

***mode beliau: kembang kempis***

***debab tua mengambil peluang****

***"ayah, nak sneakers baru."***

***mode terkini beliau: sepak terajang***

***debab tua hampa***

Meet Uncle Mail

2010-09-21T06:10:00.000-07:00

Uncle Mail: "Ina, kawan kau tu tk reti nk salam2 ke? Tak reti nak salam ibu ngn ayah?"

Ina: *senyap*

Uncle Mail: "yang best tu bile ayah pandang dia, dia pandang je ayah balik. Ke dia ingat ayah ni tukang kebun?"

Zura: *berguling gelak*

Funny Aint It Part II

2010-09-20T07:17:00.000-07:00

I can't demand for more

*smiling ear to ear*

I really can't

I am a man

2010-09-14T09:29:00.000-07:00

I think I would look cute with a beard

seriously

Comparison

2010-09-14T08:50:00.000-07:00

I've witnessed a fall. Suffered by my own blood, whom I shall refer to as the "Unlucky Lad". So bad it hurts almost every soul in the family. A fall caused by a woman. Whom I shall refer to as the "Butt-Face".
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This Butt-Face used to be someone significant in my family. Someone loved by the Unlucky Lad. They seemed perfect for one another. They looked happy. They were blissed with children from their own flesh, whom I shall refer to as the "Yo-yo Siblings". They were...a family.
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I grew up watching their happiness. I laughed at their silly jokes about one another. I used to hug that Butt-Face, and everytime that happened, she would giggle and asked me to stop. I watched how her eyes fulled with love and joy whenever the Unlucky Lad was around. How she smiled at his presence. I watched all that.
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But sky isnt always bright. Summer wont last forever.
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Butt-Face cheated. On the Unlucky Lad. On the Yo-yo Siblings. On us. All of us, whom I shall refer to as the "Clan". Butt-Face is a liar. A cold hearted liar. Butt-Face is a bitch.
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The moment the Clan found out about this, everybody went ballistic. All of us. We felt sorry for the Unlucky Lad. Sorry for the Yo-yo Siblings. Butt-Face went gracely without remorse. Without guilt. Butt-Face is a bitch.
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The Clan made a pact. This has to stop. The Unlucky Lad needs to build his own wall again. Swag that moves. Chicks hunting. All that. Unlucky Lad must have a new life. Forget that Butt-Face. So we told him.
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But I guess plans are just plans. Unlucky Lad finds it hard to let go. Hard to erase. Hard to delete. All memories, laughs, tears, everything he shared with a woman whom he used to call wife (I call her Butt-Face). Unlucky Lad is weak.
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At certain point I just want to present the Unlucky Lad with a bitch slap. Double bitch slap if I may. Just enough to wake him up. To let him understand, that he needs a WIFE in his life. Butt-Face was not a wife. She was just a woman. Not qualified to the heaven underneath your feet.
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I think about this so many times. Butt-Face is the eldest in the family and Unlucky Lad is the youngest. I am the eldest in my family and my other half, whom I shall refer to as the "Lucky Lad" is the youngest in his.
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Butt-Face and the Unlucky Lad used to care and love one another so much. I am sure that the Lucky Lad and I share the same passion.
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Butt-Face and the Unlucky Lad were the 'ying yang' couple. The same goes to me and the Lucky Lad.
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These similarities frighten me. I now panic.
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But hey, why should I?
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Butt-Face thinks with her arse, while I think with my brain.
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Butt-Face talks with her boobs, while I talk with my heart.
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Butt-Face is a cheap ho, while I am a great miss.
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Butt-Face's love was plastic. Mine is not.
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Butt-Face thinks that heaven is everywhere, while I know that heaven lies with your mother and husband.
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A note to the Unlucky Lad, please use your God given brain to think smart even though you have all the God given right to remain stupid.
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It's Funny...Really

2010-08-25T05:27:00.000-07:00

It is hard being me. I have an ability which I can say not acquirable by many people. Ability to MENTAL BLOCK.

I've been battling lotsa issues since kid. My sexuality, my curve, my interests, the likes and dislikes..bla bla bla. When people started to question, if I feel like answering then I'd explain. But, most of the times, I just mental blocked them.

How?

Simply by ignoring their questions and facial expressions, that's number 1 and next step is by placing an imaginative 'wall' inside my brain. Just to curb all those retarded quiries from invading my cell territory.

Yup, THAT works everytime. But the ugly part of having this ability is you tend to be insensitive. Since my brain works the other way around, I believe each and everyone else's should be working the same way. I developed a new skill out of it...the COULDNT BE BOTHERED ability.

How does it work?

Since my brain cells were trained to prevent "retarded invasions", I have the tendency to shoosh away some feelings. When something bad happened and you should be sad..I feel normal instead. When your feelings are bruised by something or someone...I feel "fuck it", move along!

THAT caused me troubles. I was often being labelled as the "insensitive Faiz" or "owh Faiz, the one with no emotion"

Someone said to me, right to my face...

" God created you without a heart "

But now

I slowly begin to feel, and it is akward at first. That grows everyday and though I feel delighted, it somehow makes me feel uncomfortable. Cz this is not me. I wasnt born like this. I wasnt raised with emotions. I built my own wall.

Aint it funny?

This is What I Feel and How I Feel It

2010-08-19T07:01:00.000-07:00

I love you

Full Stop

Rajin Betul Buat Entry Hari Ni

2010-07-23T03:37:00.000-07:00

Ye saya mmg rajin

Sekian

Sekalipun Hati Bentak Berdarah, You are Still a Twat

2010-07-23T03:30:00.000-07:00

I dont need a bomoh to be happy, but I know you need a surgeon to move your brain and put it right where it belongs...your anus

I dont need a bomoh to have someone as my other half, but I know you need a bridge somewhere for you to perform the ritual of "mandi-bawah-jambatan-kasik-buang-itu-siyal"

I dont need my father to tell me how to behave myself, but I know you need any random human being to tell you "jangan la bingak sgt"

I dont need NO ONE to tell me how fat I am, but I KNOW even with your skinny figure you will still stay as a twat

Wanna know why?

Cz dudes love meat!

Sometimes, less is More

2010-07-23T03:26:00.000-07:00

At times, it can be vulgar

It can be over

It can be ridiculous

But I dont mind to slow down

At times, less is more

So long that I know and you know

So long that we both know

WTH

2010-07-05T08:21:00.000-07:00

I'm just depressed

PERIOD

Kongratulasi dan Selebrasi Part II

2010-06-30T03:05:00.001-07:00

faiz.amy.ina

Congratz to my dearie cuzzy for getting hitched last week

Kawen jua anda

To my cuzzy ipar, welcome to the family :)

ina.faiz.amy

Lemak Oh Lemak

2010-06-24T07:54:00.000-07:00

Wa punyer trainer ckp wa badan pembaris. Dari atas sampai bwh sepesen je. Wa tanya tk bole kasik ade shape ke *in case la kalau wa tetibe kurus kn*. Dia jwb still akn sepesen sbb structure tulang wa mmg cm tu. *aiseymen, mmg betul la teori kwn2 wa yang ckp wa ni mmg lelaki pada kelahiran dulu*

Wa skrg mmg agenda nak kasik peluh keluar je. Penat der tergedik2 atas treadmill haram jadah itu. Habes berbuai lemak2 kt paha wa. Ni, paha wa still vibrate tau.

Wa sayang bai lemak wa. Wa dh tatang ibarat minyak full meter der. Siap dulu mlm2 ckp sebelom tido, "tkpe baby, biar la ape org nk ckp, you are still my everything". Skrg dh kene jadi zalim sket. Kene buang lemak. Ah, lantak la...daripade wa buang bayi???!!!

Dh dh...lutut wa dh menggeletar dr td. Kene tido gamaknyer. Haha, wa ingat nk mintak Hajah Noriza urut ke ape yg patut. Tapi wa mcm dh boleh agak dia nk ckp ape..."meh aku pijak meh"...hmmm, tk jadi la nk mintak urut.

Lagi satu wa saje la kan nk tanye, sejak bile awek wa pun merempit ni ha?

Kongratulasi dan Selebrasi

2010-06-19T21:23:00.001-07:00

Ini budak suda songlap itu kilija...ah-moi, wa kasik salam kasih sayang pada lu. Konglatz ah...

Woi Woi

2010-06-19T19:42:00.000-07:00

Pehal aku makin gelap???????????????????????

PEHAL???????????????

Mengundang~~

2010-06-19T19:11:00.000-07:00

The whole week I was in Indonesia. Nice place, nice people and most of all, nice food.

Muka Haji Ismail tensi je cz dia sorg je kaum adam yang dikelilingi wanita-wanita dan seorang separa wanita. Gua tanya Haji Ismail, "ayah, ayah mesti tension cz anda sorg je lelaki". Haji Ismail hanya mengangguk kecil. Hahaha.

Then smlm (sabtu) gua lepak melantak sushi ngn hairi *bukan nama sebenar*. Mak aii, santak melantak. Jumpe lak si Chima yg makan sorg2. Haha. Lepas sushi pg lak melepak ngn budak2 separa semak kt Shabistan. Gua kasik la diorg brg2 yg gua beli kt Indon nun. Si Yen dpt extra la sbb birthday beliau (yang sebenarnye lagi seminggu).

Macam2 la berlaku time tu. Goss goss mmg terbaek la. Main game keldai lagi. Sape kalah kene makan nan cheese. Aiseymen. Perut gua mmg bangang dah smlm.

Overall, smlm mmg ngam. Lame tk jumpe bebudak tu. Hairi *bukan nama sebenar* pun gua lama tk jumpe. Kira ngam la.

Tu je persembahan. Sekian.

Kan Aku Dah Cakap

2010-06-08T23:09:00.000-07:00

Kan dah cakap haritu......hormon kinky sedang ade skrg

.....

lagi nak tanye kenapa lately jiwang

.....

aiseymen

Demm

2010-06-06T07:58:00.000-07:00

Those who know me very well know about this.

I have a condition

It happens RARELY

But when it does

Nothing can stop me

*tarik nafas dalam2*

My kinky hormones just kicked in

Bear with me while it's there

p/s: please dont run and scream like a beaten drag queen just because you heard me talking like fasha sandha

Entry Tiada Judul

2010-06-06T03:30:00.000-07:00

So many things happened lately

Lessons learned

I learned them the hard way

That I now can no longer live in my own world

Dwell in my own thoughts

Think that nothing can stop me

That I now must use 'the other half' of the brain

Need to think about people

About their insensitivities

About their thoughts

That I cant be the old me

The "couldnt care less" one

The "it doesnt bother me" type

As I am now walking in a new journey

I am not alone anymore

Hey you

Thanks for waking me up

2010-06-03T22:38:00.000-07:00

YOU ARE THE ONLY EXCEPTION

CZ YOU ARE THE ONLY EXCEPTION

Ngam

2010-05-26T01:59:00.001-07:00

Malam tadi sewaktu memandu pulang aku berfikir

Tuhan itu sudah beri terlalu banyak

Tuhan itu sudah kabul doa sering kali

Tuhan itu beri diri ini sebuah keluarga bahagia

Tuhan itu beri diri ini ramai teman2 suka tawa

Tuhan itu beri diri ini seorang lelaki untuk dicinta

Walaupun jarang aku menadah tangan mengucap syukur

Walaupun seketika aku lupa

Kau sentiasa ada

When Your Heart Throws You A Bitch Fit

2010-05-25T09:25:00.000-07:00

yeah I smile a lot lately

and I do laugh profusely too

bright face with insanely happy wrinkled eyes

but inside

****

*macam setan*

nak kate khunsa, 'itu' cuma ada satu je

Perbualan Gedik

2010-05-24T20:59:00.000-07:00

Hajah Noriza sedang menonton drama. Tiba2 Haji Ismail muncul lalu ikut sama menonton. Memandangkan drama itu sudah separuh jalan, Haji Ismail tidak berapa mengerti jalan ceritanya. Lalu perbualan ini dirakam.
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Haji Ismail: "dia tu sape?"

Hajah Noriza: *menjawab soalan itu. Matanya masih di tv*

Haji Ismail: "kenapa dia mcm tu?"

Hajah Noriza: *menjawab soalan itu. Mata masih di tv*

Haji Ismail: "eh, kenapa macam tu pulak?"

Hajah Noriza: *soalan dijawab rimas* "eiii, abang ni jgn la tanya bnyk2. tgk jela"

Haji Ismail: "laa, mana la tau cite ni psl ape. Eh, itu sape?"

Hajah Noriza: *mata sudah di muka Haji Ismail* "iza tknk la cite! abang ni bising la. Dh tk dgr dia ckp ape"

Haji Ismail: "ala cakap la dia tu sape?"

Hajah Noriza: *buat dang je*

Haji Ismail: "haaa, kalau iza tknk ckp abang tknk cerita gosip. Abang ade cerita best ni"

Hajah Noriza: *mungkin bermonolog, kenape Tuhan, kenape?*

Aduh

2010-05-24T20:45:00.000-07:00

Perbualan antara mangsa dan Hajah Noriza sebelum blackout.
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Mangsa: "ibu, megi ade tak?" *balik lmbt dan makanan semua sudah abes*

Hajah Noriza: "entah, kau pg tgk kt dapur" *sambil mentenet*

Mangsa: "tkde pun" *suara hampa sbb lapa dan megi tk jumpe*

Hajah Noriza: "abes la tu. pg la panaskan lauk"

Mangsa: "tknk. nnt kene kemas balik" *sila take note saya ini pemalas*

Hajah Noriza: "tau la kau tk mkn nasi tp ade sup sayur tu. pg panaskan" *sile juga take note, dia masih mentenet*

Mangsa: "malas"

Hajah Noriza: "eiii, ape la nak jadi kau ni?? pemalas betul. nnt kau dh kawen, suami kau pg keje pakai spender je!"

Mangsa: *bermonolog, apakah tetibe merepek mengenai spender dan suami? saya lapa, itu yg lebih penting bukan?*

*************

perbualan antara mangsa dan Haji Ismail sewaktu melepak di luar rumah semasa blackout.
.
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Mangsa: "ayah, jom pg drive thru" *masih lapa*

Haji Ismail: *menguap cam singa* "panaskan je lauk tu"

Mangsa: *hampa. tolong la faham saya ini pemalas*

Ye ye Saya Tahu

2010-05-23T17:23:00.000-07:00

Ramai tanye nape blog sudah tidak di'update'.

Jawapan senang je, sbb dh start keje.

Makanya susah sket.

And as from now on, takde lagi entry merepek aka meraban dari saya.

My blog will switch to its old mode - BOSAN -

Khas Buat Echam

2010-05-17T07:38:00.000-07:00

- Budak kecik -

Nasib Katil Tak Roboh

2010-05-09T09:42:00.001-07:00

Alkisah bermula bile hajah Noriza terpekik terlolong panggil gua masuk bilik dia. Gua dtg la ingatkan ade kebakaran ke hape kan. Mau tknye, Hajah dah melolong cam tarzan. Sekali rupenyer Hajah Noriza ajak gua join dia ngn Haji Ismail tgk cite momok la wei..aiseh, wa pun mencanak la.

Der, cite tu seram siyal, menggigil segale bulu2 wa ni. Wa pun usha kiri kanan, wah si debab kecik tkde la dlm bilik tu, so maksudnyer katil parents wa ade space la. Wa pandang Haji Ismail, wa cakap, "ayah, nk baring kat tgh2". Hajah Noriza tk kasik der, dia siap warning kate takut katil roboh. Tapi Haji Ismail sempoi, dia ckp, "dah2, meh sini".

Haaa, imagine ade 3 tua bangka berselimut kelubung atas katil, Hajah Noriza (kiri), wa (tgh2) dgn Haji Ismail (kanan). Lampu bilik semua bukak tapi sikit2 membapok *ehem, itu Hajah Noriza ok, wa chill je*. Yang wa tk tahan, ayat Haji Ismail, "Iza, abang tk nmpk ape2 ni". Memang la tk nampak dah kalau lutut dia same level ngn tv. *paaapppppp!! tepuk dahi*

Sikit lagi cite tu nak abes, wa pandang muke Hajah Noriza ckp, "ibu, zura tido sini la mlm ni. nak tangan~~~". *curik taktik debab kecik mintak lengan ibu utk dibuat bantal*. Hajah Noriza jawab, "aku siku kau nnt baru tau. Pg mintak tangan ayah kau". Wa pun pandang la Haji Ismail lalu ulang soklan same. "Kaki nak?", simple je respon dia.

"Abang, farisya tu ade bau baby lagi kan?", Hajah Noriza tanye Haji Ismail. "A'ah ade. Tu yang best cium pipi dia". Wa senyum je..senyum ni..senyum lagi. "Ayah, zura ade bau baby tak????" *aiseymen bai, muke wa time tu mmg cam kambing sbb asyik senyum je*. "Bau tungkik", simple je respon beliau. *owh ye, Hajah Noriza ketawa suka hati ye kawan2*

Heh

2010-05-08T08:33:00.000-07:00

My mouth is vulgar at times. I do swear. I do have vulgar thoughts too.

BUT

dont push it too far

"So, what kind of position do you like?"

my answer

"duduk antara dua sujud"

Nape la Yakin Sgt

2010-05-08T07:48:00.000-07:00

Yakiner: "Orang2 yang name Hairi semua hensem2..."

Yakinee: *matilah*

Come On!!

2010-05-06T04:33:00.000-07:00

Please please....just stick forever.

Thank You

2010-05-04T08:19:00.000-07:00

Chocs

Sakae Sushi

Teh Tarik

Loads of fun!

Owh

2010-04-29T19:22:00.000-07:00

*Haji Ismail sedang setim hisap rokok sebelum pegi keje. Lalu conversation ini bermula.*

Mangsa: "Ayah, nak handphone baru"

*Haji Ismail buat dang je*

Mangsa: "Ayah, nak handphone baru!" *jerit sket*

Haji Ismail: "Tak dengar!!!!!" *lalu terus masuk kete*

*Mangsa sentap*

*Tetibe dengar lak ade suare asing menyampuk*

Hajah Noriza: "Sape suro kau berenti??? Kan dh tkde duit!"

Susah Betul Jadi Perempuan Macho ni..

2010-04-28T01:53:00.000-07:00

*Situasi adalah malam semalam. Sedang mengeliat sambil mncarot2 kerna assignment masih lagi tidak siap2*

*Ade dua ekor budak kecik nama sasa dan yana sedang guling2 atas katil. Lalu si sasa dtg sambil isap botol dan berkata*

"eeeiii, kak long ade bijik *sambil tangan memegang leher aku*...ayah sasa pun ade jugak"

*aiseymen, bijik tu adalah halkum ye kwn2. Sudah pun diceritakan pada teman2 smlm, ade sorg mangkok ayun bole ckp*

"cool bro (motif pggl aku bro), you ade faiz's apple"

Lebam dah Lepak Umah ni

2010-04-27T07:16:00.000-07:00

Wa tgh borak2 ngn si hatyai pasal hidup. Pasal hidup wa yang cam haram jadah ni semenjak tk keje. Haha. Bile borak2 ngn kak iju pondan pun ckp psl bende yang same. Dhtu, banyak lak cadangan2 membina org awam kasik utk wa.

Haji Ismail: "Kau cabut la rumput2 rosak tu, sebaldi penuh ayah kasik la kau duit"

*aiseymen, dlm erti kate lain wa kene jadi gardener di umah sendiri*

Hajah Noriza: "Kau ikot aku pg pasar, kau pg amek adik sekola, kau anta adik sekola, kau pegi sini, sana, situ, bla bla"

*dlm erti kate lain wa adalah driver dan bouncer dia*

Ikmal Heidir: "Since you are so bloody free, you come to my house la jadik cleaner"

*omaigod, that is soooo kinky*

Dodot: "ayong, esok ayong tak keje kan? Jom la kita pg chopping *shopping*"

*dia ingat aku ni kentut emas kot, dhla tk keje bnyk lak duit aku kan*

Hidup Ni Kene Ade Berkat, Kalau Tak Baik Jangan Hidup

2010-04-26T23:41:00.000-07:00

Ke hadapan N (nama sebenar),

Wa tengah fikir ni, lu ni cantik. Tapi dulu la time lu still pegang title makcik wa la kan. Lepas wa dgr cite2 pasal lu ni, aiseh wa rasa muka lu kalau compare ngn buntut kucing2 wa, buntut diorg lagi setail..

Wa tengah fikir ni, lu ni baik. Tapi dulu la time lu still pegang title isteri pada uncle wa la kan. Lepas wa dgr cite2 pasal lu ni, aiseh wa rasa lu pi duduk zoo la, kasik tayang kepala lu kt rimau.

Wa tengah fikir ni, pehal lu jadik cam ni eh? Nak kate uncle wa tk bagi cukup kasih sayang, hotak lu! Uncle wa dah sehabis mungkin jadi suami yang terbaik buat lu. Lu nak ape lagi? Tak cukup duit? Wa tk pernah la pulak tgk lu meleleh air liur sbb tk dpt ape yg lu nak.

Wa rasa lu ni sangap jantan la. Kemaruk lelaki.

Wa dgr lu bnyk hutang sekarang. Mane pegi jantan2 lu? Pgla mintak diorg kautim. Eh, lu jgn lupa hutang2 lu ngn uncle wa, ngn adik beradik dia, make sure lu kasik setel. Haa, kang tk psl wa buru lu pas tu terajang muka lu.

Anak2 lu pe cer? Wa dgr skrg diorg pun malas nk bercakap ngn lu. Kire padan muka lu la kan. Sape suruh perangai bangsat sgt, sampai anak sendiri pun ckp lu penipu.

Lu dengan jantan2 lu sila mati bile free.

Nak Makan Tapi....

2010-04-26T23:37:00.000-07:00

Remember what I said last night, dont stress out too much. Please take a good care of yourself. I dont want you to fall sick.

And I bloody miss you so much.

Sile Sile

2010-04-26T08:03:00.000-07:00

Quote Hajah Noriza untuk hari ini

"bang, nak du du du~"

Sesuai digunakan utk mengepau suami

p/s: du du du tu adalah duit. Harap maklum

Aiseymen

2010-04-26T08:00:00.000-07:00

Tadi angkut dodot pi klinik

Pening and demam katenyer

Then bwk pi check mata

To my suprise, power belah kiri cecah 200

omaigod

Esok bwk pi jumpe pakar lak

This Is Me When I'm Not Gooffing Around

2010-04-25T09:50:00.000-07:00

You

Yes you

What I said last night, I mean it

Everything

Every single word

Please do not doubt it even a second

Tengah Fikir

2010-04-25T09:43:00.000-07:00

Quote Hajah Noriza untuk direnungkan bersama hari ini

"Aku kaki kau nnt baru kau tau. Kau pilih nak kaki mana, kiri ke kanan?"

Sesuai digunakan untuk menerajang musuh.

aiseh

2010-04-24T09:23:00.000-07:00

wa ade ckp kn aritu kate wa nak stop meraban kan?

aiseh wa tkleh la bai

sorry la de, wa kalau tak merapu mmg wa tk lena tido la

p/s: *baru dpt tahu maksud sebenar meraban*

No title

2010-04-23T05:13:00.000-07:00

My blog is becoming more and more rubbish

I will stop now

Meraban

2010-04-22T22:31:00.000-07:00

*Situasinyer adalah tatkala Haji Ismail menelepon Ain bertanya adakah sempat menonton beliau di TV2 pagi td. Ain bilang tk sempat. Haji Ismail berkata lagi tak mengapa kerna pukul 1 nnt ade versi bahasa melayu di TV1. Makanya, si Ain bergegas selepas kelas ke kafe fakulti untuk melihat temu ramah itu*

Ain: "Bang, bukak TV1 bang."

Mangkok Ayun: *pandang Ain lalu berkata* "Nah, amek sendiri remote ni"

*Ain berasa sedikit aneh kerna selalunye abang itu yang akan menukar sendiri channel tv. Namun, kerna perasaan meluap2 mahu melihat apak sendiri, maka dgn senang hati menghalakan remote ke arah tv.*

*Owh, Ain sedikit sentap. Dia pusing menghadap abang itu.*

Ain: "Woi bang, mane tv nyer???!!!"

Mangkok Ayun: *gelak suka hati* "Tv anto ke kedai dik, rosak"

Ain: *mencarot di dalam hati secara sopan*

Aiseh

2010-04-22T01:03:00.001-07:00

*Sedang mencangak menunggu zana abes sekolah*

Hajah Noriza: *call Haji Ismail borak2* "Bang, iza tgh tunggu si DEBAB BESAR ni abes sekolah. Tadi baru anta si DEBAB KECIK. Ni tgh tunggu dgn si DEBAB TUA"

DEBAB BESAR = zana

DEBAB KECIK = dodot

DEBAB TUA = mangsa

aiseh...

Semenjak Tak Keje ni...

2010-04-21T18:13:00.000-07:00

Semalam (rabu) wa mmg tkde kt umah de. Pagi wa pegi tgk debat, jumpe lak dgn si chuck bass wannabe and si an. Sebelom tgk debat tu wa pegi la singgah sekejap library kasik pulang buku2 yg wa pinjam minggu lepas. Wa ade la jumpe si hemon tgh melantak nasi goreng. Diorg lawa la wa makan skali tp wa buat kekwat, wa ckp wa kenyang (padahal wa tgh tahan je nk baham nasi goreng tu. Diet la konon. Pastu melantak nasi goreng ayam. Sorry la mumu wa kencing diet wa smlm. Nafsu siyal)

Lepas abes ronggeng2 secara academic kt UIA, wa pun rempit la pegi the curve, ingat nak bazir2 duit beli buku. Yela, wa kan blaja lagi, tk rock la tkde buku nak study kan? Tgh2 syok rempit, tetibe bebudak pelatih dlm kamar opis lama wa call, "akak kt mane?". Wa ckp la wa tgh on the way nak pegi beli buku. Skali dia story kt wa yang dia mess up satu file ni. Pastu nak wa dtg tolong. Wehhh, nasibla wa ni baik. Wa pun tuka la route wa pegi damansara heights tu. Sampai sane, wa pun nasehat la kt diorg lenkali kalo nk buat taik pun biar leklok la kan. Menyusahkan wa betul.

Pastu wa pun pegi la balik the curve tu nun. Sambil2 tu wa pun calling2 la kak iju pondan. Borak2 dekat sejam, terus la wa pegi carik buku. Mende satu buku subjek tu wa tk jumpe. Dah pusing2 sampai ikano takde jugak. Wa call Hajah Noriza cite la wa tk jumpe buku. Dia ckp, "balik nnt belikan ibu ABC". Wa fikir, takde kaitan langsung reaksi hajah dgn cite wa tk dpt beli buku. Tak kesah la kan, wa pun anak yang baik (*matilah*), wa pun pegi la beli ABC tu.

Wa lepak umah pun tk lame bai, sebab wa nak kene pegi KLIA jemput bapak wa pulak. Aiseh punyerla bosan dalam kete tu, wa sket2 tertido. Nasibla bukan wa drive. Kalo tak wa nak je call ayah wa bgtau, "nnt kita jumpe later la kt 'tempat lain'". Sampai2 wa dh nmpk dia. Aiseh wa baru ingat pas amek dia wa kene teman dia jumpe dokter. Takpe la, sebab dokter tu hensem wehhhh.

Punyerla lame nak tunggu turn, wa dah terkemut2 kt medical centre tu. Bapak wa syok layan katun tarzan kt disney channel. Wa keluar terus call awek wa. Ktorg borak2 la psl hal kasut wa, hal pakaian wa, hal make up wa. Wa macam risau gak la takut awek wa tk suke ke hape kn, tp sempoi gile awek wa kate dia tk kesah. Love u la wei!!

Sejam pastu baru jumpe dokter tu. Aiseh bapak wa kene kuarantin main golf selame 6 minggu. Pasal bahu dia cam ade problem sket. Wa apalagi, mencanak la suka. Wa calling2 hajah noriza, kasik information la. Dia punyer reaction, "alhamdulillah, mak suke nyahhhhh!!!". Wa cam pelik la, itu ibu wa ke ibu ayam?

Sampai umah dekat pukul 10 malam. Aiseh, wa dah pening2. Assignment wa selambak tak siap2. Dahla wa tunggang terbalik segale referrence. Siap kopi tumpah2 la bagai. Cemane gaye nak berjaya cenggini?

p/s: *macam setan nak bercerita cam rempit*

mahu pengsan

2010-04-21T08:11:00.000-07:00

"I dont like it when you overdid your make up"

Yessss!!! More reason not to buy any

*smiling like a mad cow mode is ON!*

Wehhhhhh!!!!!

2010-04-20T08:10:00.000-07:00

KAMU

yes KAMU

Go find a sharp pointy stick and shove your ass with it

It might heal your brain you know

*since it is there 'down under'*

Keadaan Diri yang Kucar Kacir

2010-04-19T18:59:00.001-07:00

Hajah Noriza suruh anta msg ke Dr. Siva *doctor india yg hensem selepas dr. jasmeet* (ngeee).

Hajah Noriza: "kau anta msg tanye dia ade kt pmc (putra medical centre) hari apa? ayah kau nk pg check bahu dia"

Mangsa: *menaip and sent*

Hajah Noriza: *melihat reply Dr. Siva* "ala, tanyer la sekali pukul berapa dia ada kt sana. ayah kau nk pg jumpe dia rabu ni"

Mangsa: *tanpa merungut terus menaip and sent*

Hajah Noriza: *wah tetibe haji ismail call dan ade perbualan antara mereka* "weh, ayah kau suruh tanye dia ade kt sana sampai pukul berapa"

Mangsa: "mende la..lepas satu satu"

Hajah Noriza: *membebel menyalahkan laki sendiri* "ayah kau tu mmg..bla bla bla"

Mangsa: *menaip and sent!*

Hajah Noriza: "weh, nape dia kate dr 9-10 mlm lak? td ckp ade kt pmc pukul 6"

Mangsa: *retarded face onn*

Hajah Noriza: "biar aku sendiri yg call dia" *berlakunya sesi perbualan antara mereka*

.......................................

*beberapa minit kemudian*

Hajah Noriza: "baik doctor tu, dia kate tkpe pun kalau ayah kau dtg lmbt, dia bole tunggu"

Mangsa: "wah, dia tu dhla hensem. Baik lak tu. Ibu tolong tanya dia, dia perlukan khidmat concubine tk? Bole buat side income"

Hajah Noriza: *buat muka 'apelah-nasib-dapat-anak-gatal-cenggini' lalu terus pergi*

Hamboi, Bile Tongong Berkate2

2010-04-19T07:46:00.000-07:00

Tongong: "You sure ke you boleh dapat boyfriend?"

Si Bijak: "Dah ade"

Tongong: "That is because dia belum jumpe I lagi"

Si Bijak: "Owh tkpe2, dia allergic to bitches"

Haish

2010-04-17T06:19:00.001-07:00

Ayah pesan suda, "dh tau tk keje tu jgn asyik keluar je"

Cepatla dpt keje.

Kaki, tangan, lutut, bontot dan segala jenis anggota tubuh badan dh mintak menganjing

Elok Menyelak2, Jompa ini

2010-04-16T08:12:00.001-07:00

*cite yg aku tido after 20 mins*

*kaaaannnnn????*

*tergedik2 atas kerusi sebelom aku dgn kerusi2 tu jato*

*coba teka belakang sape ni???*

*haaa, time ni baru lepas tgk show hairi - doblas lelaki hangen-*

*tucing ni selalu je ade kt cafe econs. and mmg keje dia ngangkang je*

*yang beriye menelepon tu aku je sebenarnyer. yang lain tu saje menganjing*

*gmbr ni diambil 2-3 saat sebelum dihalau pakgad*

Perbualan Dua Orang Teman, Sorang di Malaysia Dan Seorang Lagi Di Somalia

2010-04-16T07:21:00.000-07:00

ejay: pastu tibe2 aku nak gelak2 kan ko swimming setempat. ahahaha

faiz: babi sgt

ejay: pastu aku ajak ikmal lepak sekali

faiz: ikmal malu2. cm siyal terkemut2

ejay: lol. tp thanx to u la. masa tu sumpah kalau x jmpa ko aku lonely gile

faiz: huhuhu

ejay: masa tu sume mcm kelompok2

faiz: huhuhu. tau pun

ejay: hehe

faiz: aku join pun sbb fahd ada. fahd join sbb hairi ajak

ejay: yeah

faiz: haaaa

ejay: aku knal ko pon sbb fahd kot?

faiz: yela

ejay: then bila aku rapat ngan kau pastu ramai plak rapat ngan kau. mcm magnet kau nih. haah

faiz: kaaaannnnn. aku kn friends magnet *ayat riak*

ejay: hahahahahhahanjing

faiz: hahahaha. keparat

Yes, you...

2010-04-15T21:51:00.001-07:00

Yes, we will go one day. Lalalala~ :)

An Entry to the Guy I love the Most

2010-04-15T19:39:00.000-07:00

AYAH TAK PERNAH cakap dia bangga dengan aku, TAPI APA YANG AKU TAK TAHU, ayah canang pada semua kawan2 dia, aku anak dia, aku buat dia bangga, aku sedang capai impian yang dia sendiri tak sempat lakukan. Ayah senyum, ayah gembira.

AYAH TAK PERNAH berkompromi kalau aku buat salah. Ayah akan marah, ayah akan maki, ayah akan tengking. TAPI APA YANG AKU TAK TAHU, ayah selalu bercerita dengan ibu, "jangan marah lagi budak tu, dia dh sedar silap dia."

AYAH TAK PERNAH cakap 'tak ada' pada arwah nenek bila nenek perlukan duit. Bila-bila nenek perlukan duit, ayah akan bagi. TAPI APA YANG AKU TAK TAHU, ayah selalu akan usahakan demi nenek walaupun duit sendiri tak cukup. "Sebab itu hidup berkat, sebab kita tak berkira dengan ibu sendiri", jelas ayah.

AYAH TAK PERNAH menangis lagi selepas arwah nenek meninggal, TAPI APA YANG AKU TAK TAHU, ayah selalu hiba lepas bercerita tentang nenek, tentang ibunya, tentang wanita yang paling dia sayang.

AYAH TAK PERNAH habiskan pengajian. Dia cuma ada diploma. Dia pernah cuba belajar di peringkat sarjana. Dia hanya belajar separuh jalan. TAPI APA YANG AKU TAK TAHU, dia berhenti sebab tak dapat restu nenek. "Mahu kejar apa lagi mail?", soal nenek. "Kau dah pergi ke langit hijau, mahu apa lagi?"

Ayah mungkin TAK PERNAH ITU DAN TAK PERNAH INI, tapi APA YANG AYAH TAK TAHU, semua yang ayah pernah buat, aku sedang lakukan sekarang. Apa yang ayah tak sempat lakukan, aku sedang buat sekarang.

AKU TAK PERNAH beritahu ayah secara bersemuka bagaimana ayah telah corak hidup aku dan cara aku berfikir. TAPI APA YANG AYAH TAK TAHU, i'm becoming you ayah.